18 Months Old

July 27, 2016: Today Millie Clara King would be turning 18 months old.  That is a big milestone for a little girl.  She would be accomplishing so much by now--or then again maybe she wouldn't--I mean she was very sick and her brain was very injured after all.

 So in my mind, I don't imagine an 18 month old little girl or mourn for all the things she should be doing right now because it is too much self-torture.  In my mind, I can only picture the infant baby girl who seemed so healthy.  It's not lost on me what that 18 month old girl should be able to do right now but it's just too painful to imagine the specifics and decide just how delayed she would most likely be.

However, there is one specific that I can't avoid thinking about and that's the fact that come Friday morning she will be a big sister!  She is a big sister whether she were here on earth to welcome him home or where she is in heaven helping to guide him safely home to us.  There is comfort in knowing she is watching over us but it still breaks my heart that I will never get to hold my two babies together.  

So here we are on Millie's 18 month birthday and only 2 days away from meetering her baby brother and this morning was my pre-op visit at the hospital in preparation for my c-section.  As a very pregnant lady I of course had to use the bathroom as soon as I got to the hospital.  After washing my hands the smell of the soap immediately brought me back to the moments when I visited Millie in the NICU and had to stop at the wash station before entering the unit.  So many hospital smalls and sounds stir up so many emotions from our time with Millie in the hospitals.

Then it was off to the registration office to hand over all of our information, just like we did for Millie's pre-op visit.  After that we were ushered into the nurses office where a big, black nurse gave both Heath and I a huge hug.  She came in for a hug so quickly that I didn't even see her face so I just assumed she was someone Heath knew from working at the hospital.  But then I heard her accent when she asked if we remember her and that was when I did remember her. She was the OR nurse that helped bring Millie into this world.  A woman that I only met the morning of Millie's delivery but who my doctor relayed to me was heart broken by our loss and was praying for us often.  

Today she was beaming with excitement as she helped prep us for the delivery of our son.  There was comfort in her happiness for us and she helped to put my growing anxieties at ease.  She took my blood work, gave me my pre-op instructions and told us she would be coming in earlier than her normal shift on Friday just to be present when we go for our delivery!!

This is really starting to feel real as the time winds down.  Yesterday was my last day of work so besides the hospital appointment today, I am doing a few chores around the house before our guests (our parents) and our guest-of-honor arrive.  We are actually quite ready for him to come home with us so I am going to try to catch a nap this afternoon.  Besides it is way too dang hot and humid outside for this very pregnant and swollen lady to enjoy the outdoors on this sunshiny day anyways.

And on an important celebratory side note, our niece was born on the morning of Friday, July 22.  She did beat her cousin King to the world but she made it here very healthy, chubby and happy which makes Auntie Lissa very happy.  My sister, Jenny, and brother-in-law, Aaron, have welcomed their sweet second child, their daughter, Haddie Kay Bollwahn, into their family only 1 week before we get to bring our second child into our family.  I am so looking forward to the day when these two cousins get to meet in person and eventually get to grow up together :)