The Dance

The Dance

Facebook has this sentimental feature where it reminds you of memories past.  Today it reminded me that 1 year ago Heath and I were at the Garth Brooks concert.  I think I may have blogged about the concert last year after we went but I really, really enjoyed myself at this concert.  More than I possibly could have imagined.

This concert is also particularly special because it was the first time that I could say for sure that the funny feeling in my belly was my baby moving.

My baby wasn't doing any old moving though, she was dancing right along with me to Mr. Garth Brooks himself.  I was in pure joy, truly taking in the moments, feeling many reminiscent flashbacks to my high school days and feeling so lucky that my life's path had lead me to Atlanta.  To this city where 5 years later I would get to see Garth Brooks in concert for the first time in the same Atlanta arena where I went on my first date with my southern country husband.  I couldn't contain my happiness as we were dancing to the music while we were blissfully pregnant with our first child.

 

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

How could these two naive and blissful expectant parents have ever known that exactly 5 months and 2 days later we would be playing The Dance at our daughter's funeral.

Looking back on that wonderfully joyous memory from one year ago today,

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance 

 The very next day we got to see our baby girl for what should have been the last time before we got to meet her in person.  Here is our baby girl on Sept 22, 2014 before we knew she was a girl and when we learned that her brain had a choroid plexus cyst.  A cyst that we were told would definitely resolve itself but as a courtesy the doctor would see us again for an ultrasound in 8 more weeks to double check that it cleared up.  The courtesy ultrasound would be the one that in deed confirmed the resolution of the cyst but also found her enlarging heart and set in motion the rest of our days with her.

Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king

6 Months In Heaven

August 19, 2015 marks 6 months without Millie in our arms.  It's hard to believe our sweet girl has been in heaven for 6 whole months now. August 19, 2015 was quickly becoming a point of anxiety looming in my future as I was becoming sad thinking about just how long it had been since we got to hold Millie in our arms.  

One of my main sources of sanity continues to come from my close communication with the mamas from my Landon's Legacy retreat.  It is a refuge I can turn to when my emotions start to get the better of me.  As my anxiety was slowly building, my friend, Darcy, had posted about this event called The Day of Hope and wondered if any other mamas were participating.  I wasn't familiar but learned that...

August 19th is about coming together as a whole community to openly speak about these children and celebrating their short lives. Each year thousands of people around the globe take part in The Day Of Hope by hanging up prayer flags in honour of their babies and children that have died.

I initially felt overwhelmed by the idea of having to be creative in the midst of my surmounting grief but I mentioned the project to Heath and he was actually quite interested.  With Heath's interest I began to feel more inspired as this Day of Hope fell on the 6 month anniversary of the day Millie became whole again in Heaven.  I shared the information with some family members thinking it might be helpful for them in their journey as well. What followed was the most amazing and uplifting show of support, care and true, deep love for Millie... 

Heath's Aunt Jane, Cousin Rhonda and Step-mom Rita at work on prayer flags

This gorgeous prayer flag is set against the Gulf of Mexico, created with love by family while on vacation

The most beautiful flags in honor of Millie Clara King by
Millie's Mawmaw Rita, cousin Rhonda, great aunt Jane and Pawpaw Jerry

~love~

Magical Mawmaw

Proud Pawpaw

Creative aunties at work...

Aunty Mooie loves Millie Moo

Aunty Laura loves her niece Mills

Aunty Jenny made with love from great-grandma Shirley Clara's craft supplies

With love from Gramma Jean

Tears and love for Millie from Ganmaw Linda

I cannot even begin to tell you how much my heart swelled as these unique, creative and beautiful prayer flags were posted and texted to me throughout the day.  It felt so incredible to see our daughter honored and loved by so many family members.  I mean we know how much Millie's family loves and misses her but seeing these prayer flags meant more than you could possibly understand.  These flags made my heart swell throughout Aug 19th like the Grinch's does on Christmas day.

And in the process of dealing with our grief Heath and I made our prayer flags...

Millie Clara King~You are my Angel, my Darling, my Star & my LOVE will find you wherever you are

 Thank you to every single person that holds Millie Clara in your thoughts, memories and hearts.  You just can't possibly know how much it means to two grieving parents that no longer get to hold their daughter in our arms but will forever hold her in our hearts.