Holidays

Holidays

 I think most people expect Mother's Day to be pretty awful for a bereaved mother and I'm sure for some it absolutely is.  I really wasn't sure what to expect as the weekend and day approached.  One thing I knew was to try not to get anxious about it since I've learned that the anxiety about an event is usually worse than the actual event.  So my sister, Laura, and her boyfriend, Woody, ended up coming down for a long weekend that weekend and it ended up being a wonderful vacation for all of us (even though Heath and I never left home)!  

Friday we celebrated our friend Tina's birthday by cruising around Lake Allatoona on a pontoon boat.

 

We of course enjoyed some time out to eat at various places...

And Mother's Day was spent with a church service, followed by brunch out to eat with our friends at our favorite breakfast joint, then a trip over to Alabama where we went to visit Millie.  After visiting Millie, the boys agreed to let us girls join them for 9 holes of golf.  Golf is how most Father's spend Father's Day but it's how this Mother spent Mother's Day and it was really fun!

 I also received many beautiful messages, cards, flowers and gifts from my loving family and friends which made me feel so special.  Of course, Mother's Day should have been spent with my new baby but I still felt special this day and know that I am a mother even though my baby is in heaven.











Now Memorial Day weekend was a whole other story.  For this holiday weekend, Heath and I ended up having 4 days off together.  We thought about going out of town but stayed around and ended up having a really enjoyable time together.  We had bought new kayaks the weekend prior so we decided to take them out for a spin Friday afternoon and Saturday morning.

I love being on the water since traditionally we open the lake cottage on Memorial Day weekend.  It really made my heart happy (and my arms sore)!!

We spent the rest of the weekend working on training Coalie to hang out off the leash and she did awesome.  We spent time cooking out with our friends, the Gunnings, we worked on landscaping our yard and refinishing some furniture for the nursery.

Ultimately, I ended up feeling rather sad throughout the weekend because the reason for the weekend was not lost on me...we were celebrating the memory of those that had lost their lives serving for our country so that we may enjoy our freedoms and wonderful lifestyles.  So while I have been mourning the loss of my daughter, I remembered just how many young mothers were out there mourning the loss of their child's father or established mothers out there mourning the loss of their son or daughter, etc.  So while my loss is tremendous and unnatural there are many others out there dealing with tragic losses also.  But I was also saddened because I knew we wouldn't have been able to be on a lake enjoying kayaks if we had our four-month-old Millie still in our lives.  And I was sad because this would have been a relaxing, long weekend where Heath and I would have been so excited for the extra time to spend with our little lovebug.  So even though I was really relaxed and happy throughout the long weekend, I was also sad and terribly missing my baby girl.

Ultimately, it's crazy how I can walk through Mother's Day weekend feeling proud and happy for the life that Millie had and for her birth that gave me the title of Mother.  And it's crazy how a seemingly unsuspect holiday like Memorial Day could hit me so much harder than Mother's Day.