October
Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month
It is a bittersweet time of year to have our situation highlighted around the world in order to bring awareness to a very devastating and sad statistic. Almost everyone, everywhere is battling some sort of fight within their family. When we read about those situations and the statistics that exist we feel empathy for those people but continue to feel grateful because "that doesn't happen to my family, that just happens to others"
And I guess that's how we were. I've heard of stillborn babies but I felt like it only really happened in generations before mine, that our constant medical advances had surely minimized this risk. Staggeringly, today 1 in 160 births in America are stillborn. It feels like that will only happen to others but that is not a small statistic and in my journey I have learned just how many families this truly affects.
In reading books about how to encourage a healthy pregnancy the authors always reassured me that majority of women deliver perfectly healthy babies through uneventful deliveries and that I should not be bothered with worrying. Heath and I are healthy individuals with healthy family histories so I bought into the comfort of the knowledge that hundreds of thousands of healthy babies are born every year. Those rare occasions of sick babies only happens to others. Until we weren't that situation and our baby was indeed quite sick. But even in the midst of our preparation for bringing a very sick baby into this world, we never imagined the possibility that we would lose her. We had so much faith in modern medicine and it's ability to protect her and provide her with a bright future. It wasn't until we joined this 'Bereaved Parents Society' that I learned just how real the risk of delivering a very sick baby, a terminally ill baby, is.
In my heart I believe that we were given the gift of time, of 23 days, with Millie because of modern medicine. If it weren't for our extraordinary care I don't think Millie's illnesses would have been known and that she would have likely passed inside of me or very quickly after birth because her condition would have continued to worsen unnoticed. I am so incredibly grateful that our daughter was not born still and that we have the memories of her first breath, of her diaper changes, of her sweet little cry, of her blinking big eyes, of her gorgeous smile, of her soft dark hair, of her warm cuddly body, of her grasping fingers, of her wriggling toes, of her outfit changes, of her warm bath, of her sleepless nights, of her last breath.
Nonetheless, pregnancy and infant loss doesn't just happen to others. It has unfortunately affected our family twice as Millie is now playing with her second cousin, Cooper, up in heaven. Cooper is my cousin Kristin's son, he passed away at 5 months old from SIDS 5 years ago. Our modern medicine NEEDS to make more progress in understanding how to prevent stillbirth, prematurity, SIDS and infant and childhood illnesses. Therefore I am grateful for the month of October as a platform to bring awareness to our community and to allow bereaved parents the opportunity to speak up about the grief they continue to live with on a daily basis.
Pregnancy and Infant Awareness Month is highlighted on October 15th with the Wave of Light
Heath and I happened to be traveling to Wisconsin during the Wave of Light so we were unable to participate by boy did our family and friends honor Millie that night.
that kept coming through as we drove through the Midwest...
Even though our daughter is not physically present we still care about her and love her just as any other parent cherishes their living children. Therefore, you just can't imagine how much it means to have our daughter grace your thoughts and for you to share that with us.
Here are some other ways Millie's memory was shared throughout the month of October...
My friend, Maria Elena Gutierrez, the mother of brilliant, Aby, lit a candle for each baby at Landon's Legacy on the night of October 15.
My friend, Tiffany Breininger, is the founder of the Queen B Project in honor of her beautiful daughter, Emma. She has honored all of our Landon's Legacy babies, as well as other babies lost too soon, with this beautiful tribute located in Wildwood Park in Harrisburg, PA.
Another friend of mine, Emma VandenBrink, has expanded her personal blog about skin care to discuss her loss journey following her full-term, still birth loss of her precious son, Reid. I was honored enough to be featured in the launch of the part of her blog that features stories from other parents living through pregnancy and infant loss. Please explore her site and Sincerely, Mama to gain even more insight about the world we now live in.
My cousin, Scott, married Rosie on Oct 17 and it was here at their wedding that we were gifted with the sweetest remembrance of our daughter, as well as her great-grandparents, Paul and Shirley, and her cousin, Cooper.
Finally, Heath and I were invited over to Oxford, Alabama to an event, Light Up the Sky, by our sister-in-law, Jenine. Here we were joined by Millie's aunt Jenine, Mawmaw Rita and Pawpaw Jerry to share her story, her life, her pictures and then release a lantern in the honor of her and all babies lost too soon. It was a beautiful way to connect with other families experiencing the joy & pain we endure every single day.
Thank you again for always honoring our loss and never minimizing the impact that Millie Clara has in this world
