Spring

spring blooms new life

this weekend is a tough one for me.  two months ago today was the last full day we got to spend with sweet millie clara.  in the early morning hours it will be two months since our baby girl laid in her daddy's arms and passed on to eternal life.  my heart feels heavy and tears are always close to spilling.  tears will stream down my cheeks.  because of this i look for points of joy to help soften the sorrow. 

                     spring blooms new life  

Easter day Heath and I planted a beautiful magnolia tree in our yard.  the magnolia tree is symbolic of wisdom, strength and endurance.  this tree was gifted to us by my Godmother, mary, in honor of millie.  we chose a spot in the front yard along the tree line where we can see it every time we drive up to the house and can spot from all the windows in the front of the house.  

 

Millie's Tree

     

last weekend we spent the day clearing out the flower beds and planting fresh flowers.  we planted new flowers along with the flowers that we received for millie the day she was born, as well as for her funeral.

 we also got a chance to go visit our sweet girl in alabama last weekend.  heath's parents have done a beautiful job making her site look beautiful and we just added a few more touches to let our girl know we are always thinking about her always

 

other ways that heath and i have worked on healing includes attending our first support group this past week.  it was very helpful to hear the others' stories and learn from each other in ways to cope during this challenging time in our lives.

furthermore, i have decided to attend a yoga retreat specifically for mothers of infant loss.  i was introduced on social media to a young lady in canada that lost her first born son last july.  this beautiful woman teaches yoga and has been publicly sharing her healing journey on her instagram account.  in reading her posts i felt like i was reading my own emotions, struggles and joys.  when i learned that she was hosting a retreat in honor of her son, heath and i discussed this opportunity for me.  we both agreed that it would be very beneficial for me spiritually and physically.  this retreat will take place in winnipeg, manitoba, canada june 14-19. i am nervous because i am not the type of person to do something so big by myself but i know that i will gain so much from this experience.  i feel like this is something i have to do.  

in preparation for this retreat, i am increasing my yoga practice which is forcing me to work through physical weaknesses that i mentally struggle to push through.  it's strange how feeling emotionally weak makes it very hard to push through physical weakness.  this realization is something i am carrying over to my career, working more on understanding my patient and their emotional struggles that might be contributing to their physical challenges.  i find myself encouraging and motivating my patients in ways that i never used to do before.

our weather has been very dreary this week, mimicking my emotions, so it is helpful to remind myself of all the beauty that spring has and does bring to our lives.  

xoxo

H&M